For the first time in months, my world is dark. Time flows like a fast-moving stream, rushing for the ocean after slowly twisting and turning through the debris of its mountainous journey. In the stillness, I think of you and my heart breaks again. Like the first wave to meet that fresh water, exploding into it and crashing through.
My days have been consumed by our journey together. My schedule, marked by the demands of your needs. Yet, somehow, in the requirements of your care, I found myself balanced, structured and essential.
I tried to navigate the way to a solution, but we were moving against the stream and the tide was behind us. I was so focused on my instinctive quest to save you, that I didn't realize you were saving me. Your love and acceptance of me was like a reflection in the water that allowed me to see who I was and who I wanted to become. On the other side of my reflection, if I looked deeply, were the attributes I desired, waiting for me to grasp. The obstacles encountered along our path held painful lessons that you patiently accompanied me through. Yet, in each failure you opened my eyes to triumph.
The physical is here in this world, something we can grasp and hold on to. Your beauty and grace were a sight to behold, the softness of you and the hopeful sounds you made. Your sentient, striking blue eyes, however, held beneath them a spirit of unwavering love and trust. It is your spirit that showed me joy in the moments of pain, hope in the moments of despair and patience in the moments of uncertainty.
I called you my Angel, subconsciously knowing someday you would be just that. God gave you to me for a moment in time. He worked through you to open the eyes of my heart to what I was blind to. We couldn't live up to your name, and my actions in the face of all of your physical challenges couldn't save you, but your unconditional love and forgiveness through our experiences allowed me to grow in spite of it all. For that I will be forever grateful. In your short time here, you proved that every life lived, no matter how small, is worth living. You tried so hard. You never gave up. You were an inspiration to us all.
Yes, for the first time in months, my world is dark and it's not because you always wanted the light on. It's because you are gone.